


Somethings are a Constant Battle.

by RoselineSmith



Series: Depression isn't just about being Sad [1]
Category: Sander Sides, Thomas Sanders, Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 19:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10860117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoselineSmith/pseuds/RoselineSmith
Summary: Thomas keeps having panic attacks, he's stopped going to rehearsals, he ignores Joan's phone calls. Is it Anxiety at work or is there something much more sinister at work?





	Somethings are a Constant Battle.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a slut for comments and Kudos. :D So if you enjoy it, leave a comment and a Kudos~
> 
> Also the beginning may be a bit confusing if you don't know, but Thomas' friend Joan uses They/Them Pronouns as they are Non-Binary (I believe - has been confirmed in multiple videos).

This was the fourth panic attack that Patton had noticed. It was the fifth that Logan had seen. Third that Roman had observed.

No one knew where Anxiety was.

Joan and Ben helped Thomas threw the panic attacks that they had seen, but they were coming more and more frequently.

No one knew why. No one knew why they seemed to be getting worse and worse as time progressed.

^.^

Thomas was sitting in the new layout of his living room, it looked better and the stairs were no longer blocked by the television. The blinds were pulled open as to let as much natural light into the room as possibly could be let in. 

Joan and Ben were cooking lunch in the kitchen.

Both were keeping an eye on the emotionless boy that was sitting there watching Steven Universe and not even reacting to the normal parts that he would find funny. It troubled them both deeply.

Thomas didn't look up when they brought the food into the living room and sat down next to him. Joan switched the channel to Parks and Recreation to see if that would get some kind of response from Thomas. It didn't.

It took both of the them to get Thomas to eat something, though both were glad that neither of them had to hand or force feed him yet.

After dinner, Thomas stood and he went up to his bedroom, crawling under the covers. It was only six pm, but it didn't matter. He just wanted to sleep forever.

_"What is wrong with him?" Roman asked as they watched their host lay down to sleep._

_Morality shook his head. "It was another panic attack, let's just thank god that he hasn't summoned us and that his friends got food into his system."_

_"Though he did leave his friends down in the living room by themselves with no warning of what he was doing." Logic pointed out, "that defied all logical thinking on my part. They could steal something if they wanted to."_

_Though all three personalities knew that it wasn't not the case. Ben and Joan wouldn't steal from Thomas._

Ben and Joan had watched Thomas go upstairs, when he did not return down, they went upstairs to check on him. When they found him in bed, they marked down the time in their friends group chat that had been keeping track of Thomas' sleeping and eating patterns in a way to try and help him. Then Ben went home. Joan went and slept on the couch, though they had said they would go home. They just didn't want something to happen that would result in Thomas being injured or worse.

^.^

_Anxiety's room was not something you could just find on a whim. You had to experience darkness, you had to experience pain, you had to experience...well... anxiety to even find the dark Mahogany doors that had beautiful swirls on them as it just looked like it blended in with the walls that lead to Roman's room. But when you experienced it, the door knob would appear that had never been there before, and you would be able to see it. Go inside._

__

_Once inside Anxiety's room, it was nothing but darkness for long hallways, stretches with no natural light before you would enter a large room with plush black carpets under the bed. This was so you'd step on something warm when you got out of bed and dark red mahogany floors stretched out under them to the walls. The room had almost blackish purple walls that spread into an open ceiling that was constantly nighttime, a constant stretch of beautiful stars that were the only light in the room. Though, on a good night, a better than horrible day for Anxiety, you could see all the stairs up in the sky. Though most nights it was partly cloudy, the clouds rolling in and out with Anxiety's mood. The only thing that wasn't a dark colour were the spines of 27 pure white notebooks (more like journals, with thick spines) sitting on a shelf above a mahogany coloured desk. On the desk was an open one, the number 28 written in golden lettering on the spine and a long raven's feather sitting in an ink well. If you looked closely, all of the books were numbered on their spines. And they got thicker as the years went on._

_^.^_

_96 Hours Earlier_

_Something had crawled out of the woodwork._

_Well, more like slimmed its way out of the woodwork._

_It had come from the pit of lost memories, had slid up the edge of the crater and into the main area of their mind. It found Anxiety's door easily, slipping between the wood without opening it and reforming into a black figure. From the back, if one only saw it out of the corner of their eye, they would have thought it was just Anxiety stalking around with his hood up._

_But it wasn't._

_Darkness filled Anxiety's room as the figure entered inside, the lights of the stars disappearing into darkness though there had been no cloud cover that evening. Anxiety had actually felt really good._

_Though it didn't last long._

_Anxiety woke up with a start, there was no light and his hands had been pinned above his head. He started to panic, he had to make sure that it didn't leak into Thomas' subconscious, Anxiety always made sure to keep the worst of it away from Thomas so he wouldn't have a panic attack every single time that Anxiety got anxious about something._

_Perhaps its just cloudy and I got my hands stuck in the headboard. He tried to reason, tugging at his hands. Not his headboard. He heard the rattle of chains and he let out a tiny whimper, he could feel the panic attack getting stronger. He tried to look around and he was startled when he noticed two yellowish green eyes looking at the pure white notebook. It was the only thing that was giving off light in the room._

_"No!" Anxiety cried out, trying to struggle against the binds that held him there._

_The figure smirked, white teeth under black curled up lips as he looked up at Anxiety. Anxiety watched him move, heading towards him before he stopped at the end of his bed, just out of reach of Anxiety being able to kick him._

_"By the time your friends find you, you won't be even able to move, or talk... you won't even be here anymore. But I will be." The figure told Anxiety before he reached down, a skeleton like hand moving out of the black goop that made up the figure and touched Anxiety's leg._

_After that, Anxiety couldn't feel anything in that foot. His panic seeped through into Thomas' mind and that had been the beginning. The first panic attack of many to arise._

_^.^_

_108 hours after the attack on Anxiety._

_Roman was starting to get anxious._

_With Anxiety not there, and the amount of anxious energy had built up and it was starting to affect the other personalities. Morality had less of a spring in his step. Roman didn't glow as brightly as normal. Even Logic was feeling the strain and he was having trouble with the Sudoku that normally took him not long at all._

_"I'm gonna go kill a dragon witch or something..." Roman muttered as he stalked out of the kitchen, heading out towards his bedroom, his kingdom where there would be lots of creatures to kill that were surely threatening his citizens... somewhere._

_As he walked down the hallway towards his doors, as he normally did, he traced the patterns of the swirls  with his fingers, that was until the tips of his fingers brushed against something cold and made of metal._

_He frowned, grabbing onto the doorknob and he turned it. Why had he never noticed this door was here before. He stepped inside, shivering slightly. It was so cold.  Who's room was this? Did Thomas have a new personality forming?  Roman walked further into the room and he frowned. It was so dark. He looked around. There was something pale laying on the bed, but that wasn't what caught his attention, it was the white books that were lining the shelf. He pulled out the one that had 27 written on the spine and he flipped it open to a random page._

**March 21st 2017**

**Logic scolded me today. He called me a defeatist.**

**Roman pulled us all into day-dream mode today after I informed Thomas that the fans would not want to see a sketch my autobiography.**

**We spent hours trying to figure out an original idea.**

**My ideas for going back to bed were shot down... as always.**

**Sometimes they make me so frustrated. Do they not understand that forcing me to help make original content makes me even more anxious?**

**Cloud cover is worst tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Even if everyone seems to _hate_ me.**

**Anxiety.**

_Roman read through the book and he frowned. So this was... anxiety's room? He said, looking up at the ceiling. No clouds. But no stars either. Roman almost dropped the book when he realized that if this was anxiety's room that meant. He rushed over to Anxiety's side, looking down at the other as he reached down and touched Anxiety's arm._

_Pain shot through him like he was being hit by a thousand bullets and he grit his teeth. Though he did not let go of Anxiety's arm. Is this the pain that Anxiety felt every day? Roman wondered._

_After a few minutes, the pain died down and Anxiety opened brown eyes to look up at Roman. He blinked, trying to move his arm though it didn't budge, the chains and the paralysis had spread again. He turned his head, rubbing his face against his shoulder before he looked at Roman and realized who exactly was standing in his bedroom._

_No. He couldn't have found it._

_Anxiety cleared his throat, his mouth opening and closing as his brain tried to find the right words. He closed his eyes for a second before he looked at Roman. "How did you find this place..." He asked, his voice horse from 108 hours of disuse_

_"There was a door... I was curious to what was behind the door... Are you... Oh my god. Are you chained to the bed?" He asked, pulling out his sword from his belt and slicing the chains that were holding Anxiety's arm up above his head. He frowned when Anxiety didn't move his arms down. He moved them for him, laying them down on either side of Anxiety._

_Anxiety noticed them first, the pair of yellowish green eyes that slipped out of the darkness and made a move towards Roman._

_"Get... Get out!" Anxiety screamed, startling Roman. The prince rushed out of the room, slamming the door._

_The figure chuckled darkly as he looked at Anxiety. "Not much time left little one. Soon you will be nothing more. Then I will work on the next one... Perhaps I will take out the one you just saved next... I don't know why you even saved him. From what I have read in your journals, none of them are nice to you..."_

_Anxiety just seemed to deflate, he turned his head into his hood so the figure wouldn't be able to see the tear that slipped its way down the bridge of his nose and into the fuzz that was on the inside of his hood._

_^.^_

_Roman lent against the door, trying to understand what had happened. Why did Anxiety scream like that?  Roman thought back to the journal entry he had read before he realized he was in Anxiety's room. **Even if everyone seems to hate me.** Did Anxiety really think like that._

_Roman thought back, he could understand where Anxiety was coming from... None of them were particularly nice to him... Though he had thought that Anxiety had been getting along with Logan after he taught Logic your mom jokes. March 21st. That had been before that date... Oh._

_He moved away from the door, heading back towards the kitchen, even more upset and anxious, this time because he was worried about Anxiety. He managed to convince Morality that Anxiety needed help and he lead the him to where the door was._

_"I don't know what your talking about kiddo but this is just a wall. How are you feeling, let's get you to bed. I know none of us have taken energy from Thomas because of our worry for his health but you really should go lay down." Morality said before he lead Roman further down the hall and into the Prince's bedroom, which immediately became the bedroom, not his normal field in front of his castle. He was to exhausted to walk._

_Morality tucked Roman into bed before he left the room and went back to the kitchen, shaking his head. "He is exhausted Logan. He tried to tell me that Anxiety's room as in a wall with no doorknob. I put him to bed." Morality explained, sitting across from Logan._

_Logan frowned, "His room is in a wall Morality. You can't see it if you haven't..." He trailed off, looking up at one of his personality counterparts. "Oh no." He said, standing, leaving the Sudoku abandoned as he rushed to where Anxiety's door was. He was the only one who knew where it was. He turned to Morality who had followed him. "You can't see this right?" He asked, pointing at the door._

_Morality shook his head no. "I'm confused...  Its a wall Logan." He said._

_Logan shook his head. "No... It's the door to Anxiety's bedroom. I saw it a few months back." He explained, "Anxiety explained it as you can't see it unless you've experience pain, darkness and anxiousness..." He added before he shoved Morality towards Roman's bedroom. "Make sure Roman stays alright." He said, reaching for the doorknob and then he disappeared, right in front of Morality._

_^.^_

_Logan frowned. It was way to dark, even with cloud cover he had never seen Anxiety's room this dark. Logan took a deep breath and summoned a flashlight from his own bedroom and he turned it on. He walked further into the room. He saw Anxiety and he ran over to him, looking over him for a moment._

_Anxiety looked up at Logan and he frowned, "You shouldn't be here..." He groaned out._

_Logan shook his head, "You haven't been out of here in an extremely long time Anxiety.. What's wrong?" He asked._

_Anxiety shook his head but he didn't respond._

_Logan placed a hand on Anxiety's forehead to check his temperature and he didn't see the eyes come up behind him and the white journal swinging through the air as it hit him in the head and he collapse on top of Anxiety._

_The figure chuckled, "Well well. Perhaps your friends may be a bit more challenging then I thought but it should be no problem. Your almost gone and then I'll take him next."  
_

_Meanwhile, Morality had been watching over Roman to make sure he was alright and when the figure touched his counterpart, the one he was cosmically linked to (mind and heart are linked), he cried out in pain, screaming as he slumped into the seat._

_^.^_

_Something was a foot. Logic was gone, Anxiety had screamed for him to get out, Morality had been slumped in a chair sobbing when Roman had woken up to the scream. He got up, moving to Morality's side to check on him. He carefully managed to wake the dad personality and he helped him stand. Roman listened to his mutterings about saving Logan._

_Roman helped Morality out of his room in the plans to get Morality to his own bedroom. As they were passing the wall, Morality lifted up his head and he let out a choked sob. "I see it." He whispered to Roman._

_Roman frowned before he changed direction, opening the door to Anxiety's bedroom._

_Roman walked Morality down the long dark hallway into Anxiety's room. He let go of Morality when the older personality pulled away from him to rush over to where Logic was laying on the floor of Anxiety's bedroom. Roman frowned when he saw the figure moving towards Morality. He pulled out his sword and sliced the figure in half._

_Logan gasped, he wasn't under long enough for it to still effect him but Anxiety remained still. Roman moved over to Anxiety's side._

_"We should get him to the living room and try to get some food into him. We can't have him dying... then Thomas would die because he'd be missing a part of himself..." Roman whispered out._

_Patton agreed, helping Logan up to his feet before all three of them helped get Anxiety to the main area of their living space, laying him down on the couch and covering him up with a blanket to keep warm. "What's wrong with him?" Morality asked._

_Logic frowned, "I felt it after that...thing touched me... its a form of paralysis... I just hope its not to late."_

_Anxiety looked over at Logic, he could feel the haze that had started to slip out of his mind retreating and he could move his mouth again. "I'm... It's wearing off..." He said. A bit annoyed that he had been carried out of his bedroom in such a way._

_The three other personalities sat by Anxiety and waited until he was able to fully move. It took a significantly less amount of time then it had taken to paralyses him. Anxiety frowned, hiding under his hood for a moment. "You all can see it..." He whispered. "Its not supposed to be that way." He said, focusing his mind and removing the anxious tension from the air, removing all the anxious pain Thomas was feeling._

_^.^_

_Anxiety was healed. Thomas was calm, eating and laughing again.  His friends were happy and Thomas finally had enough mental energy for the personality to absorb some without fear of harming their host._

_And the figure seemed to be gone. Or was he really? The black puddle of goop had slipped through the cracks in Anxiety's floor board and had slipped back to the cavern, back down into the darkness. For now._


End file.
